It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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