My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
