i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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