Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
