New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
