Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
