I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Shame - the story of my life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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