I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
