I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
