my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
