I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
