i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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