I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
