Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
