haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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