The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't deserve a penis
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want to make out with him forever
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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