Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
