I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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