oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
