i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
