An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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