You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
