fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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