Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
