My hair reeks of homosexuality.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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