Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
