Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
