508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
