I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was like eating out sand paper
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
