i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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