and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
