hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
