Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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