you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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