she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
