I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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