Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im part way to drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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