my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
