He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
