so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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