i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
