I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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