So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Randomize
