Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
