shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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