the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
