Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My penis needs a shock collar
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
