Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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