I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
