I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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