i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
