The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
