i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
