If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
