If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
